those crazy canadians

I've been feeling dehydrated lately. That's no good so I've decided to drink more water; however, my college station water is 99.9% liquid mercury and my water filtering container is dirty. I threw my contraption in the dishwasher and sought to refill the filter... only to realize I'm out of filters. There are no more filters left in my apartment! Not even one! This leaves me in a pickle... now it's absolutely impossible for me to drink clean, delicious, refreshing water ever again. There's absolutely nothing I can do to rectify this problem, there are no easy answers and now I'm forced to make a difficult decision: which nearby neighbor should I attack with hopes of a successful aqua-coupe?

hmm... I'll probably end up killing hostages to maintain an example... so I'll need lots of spares...